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| Not as easy as she makes it look... |
After four years of living a camel’s whisker from the beach, last
weekend I decided to actively get involved in some actual beach activity. Beach
activity for me usually means collapsing onto a sun lounger and scouring the
horizon for the nearest Evian sprayer, iced-lolly distributor and white wine
spritzer (LOVE beach club!) so this goes against all my usual leanings.
Nonetheless, we woke early on a Saturday morning and headed to the beach with
enthusiasm and adventure whistling in our ears.
The mission? Paddleboarding. Jenifer
Aniston, Nicole Scherzinger and Cameron Diaz all do it and they look FABULOUS.
They also make it look extremely easy. Was it? Read on for the Britney of
Arabia Paddleboarding Guide:
Check the Weather
It looked calm when we left the house but on arrival at the beach it was
pretty windy and the water was very choppy. I am sure this provided many comedy moments
for people on the beach as we wrestled to get the boards into the water, but
the waves actually crashing over me meant any real technique was lost.
Check What Else is Happening on The Beach
A huge jet-ski race you say? Right next to where we are paddleboarding?
Incessant noise, diesel fumes and even choppier water? Brillsville. The one positive to take from this was that
the police boats patrolling the event a) gave me a feeling of safety b) provided
conversation opportunities when I was drifting out to sea and feeling a bit
lonely.
Consider a Practical Outfit
I realized I’d gone a little too far down the fashion route when others
in the group started stripping off to reveal practical, surf-style vests and
shorts. I’d actually selected my coral and gold bikini thinking it was
practical (halter-neck, cute short style) but it soon revealed its short-comings
when I was wrestling myself onto the board on all fours. Moving
onto….
The Board is Heavy. And Big.
I know I can be prone to exaggeration, but paddleboards are HUGE! We’re
talking twice the height of me. And heavy! Thank the lord JT was on hand to
drag the thing back out of the water when I was finished. (I’d abandoned it
halfway down the beach like a dead body.)
Know Your Limits
It’s safe to say the entire group threw themselves into paddleboarding
with gusto, but a combination of wind, choppy water and rogue jet-skis meant
that spirits quickly dampened. Quite literally – it’s tiresome
to fall over every two minutes and even more tiresome to spend the next ten
minutes desperately trying to get back onto the board in manner of half-stunned salmon.
Once I’d realized that standing and kneeling was challenging, I sat
down, in manner of kayak. OH the relief. I actually quite enjoyed this part and
got a bit of control over the board (by this I mean I only decapitated three
children in 5 minutes as oppose to the twenty I was averaging before). The rest of the group followed suit and
eventually we discovered an even better solution: get off the board completely
and have a little chat and a swim. Treat!
So there you go. Paddleboarding: fun, great exercise, I will most definitely
be doing it again. But you really need calm water. Oh, and, try to go without a hangover. Choppy
water, incessant rocking, need I say more. Bleurgh.
