What a Year!

I’m reading Chris Evans’s autobiography at the moment, and he prefaces each chapter with a Top Ten. And given that we’re nearing the end of a decade, it’s not a bad way to summarise the year.

Here’s mine for 2009...and I have to say - it wasn't easy just picking 10 highlights.  It's been an interesting year.  Started with a bit of a bump and then turned into nothing short of awesome.  I'm already very excited for 2010...

10. Bingo. No, really. For one short month we discovered, and loved, bingo. The fact that this was combined with half price wine and food was just a happy coincidence. Bingo, we miss you.
9. Ramadan. I actually got to work slightly shorter hours this year which meant much more time for socializing, and the gym. And Ramadan does of course, mean Iftars…
8. Chi. It has to be the world’s cheesiest club, but I’ve had more hilarious nights out here than I care to admit. Having the lovely Harris just a hop skip and a jump away in Oman has meant many many lost weekends in there. Thank god my mum isn’t on Facebook to see the photographic evidence.
7. Sri Lanka. One of the most gorgeous places in the world. Private villa on the beach, with chef, yoga teacher and houseboys attending to my every whim. I don’t need complete luxury like this, honestly, I’m actually very easily pleased…..
6. Saturday Sundowners. It’s a tradition as old as time itself…well if you live in a sundrenched country I guess. Before gearing up for a hard week at work there’s nothing like sinking your toes into the sand/propping up a bar watching the sun set, in a sun dress and shades.
5. Beach Club. A Friday ritual. We spend a great deal of time comparing notes on which is our favourite, but really, there’s not much in it. Luxurious sun-loungers, delicious food, wine on tap, oh, and sun, sea and blue skies. Throw in great company and a stack of celebrity magazines, and you have the perfect recipe for lazy day off. However hard the week has been, and they can be tough, it’s hard to say stressed when floating in the sea looking back at the insane and beautiful skyline of Dubai.
4. Beirut. If the Sun had written a headline to describe that trip, it would have to be: Busty Blonde Brit Babes Cause Bedlam. A hilarious riotous adventure from start to finish. If I’m having a bad day a sneaky peep at the photos cheers me right up. And normally results in loud guffawing.
3. Family – in Dubai and the UK…The Dubai Family. It’s been said before, but really, I’m blessed to have found some really wonderful friends here…you all know who you are….The UK Family. Laydeeeees! And some gents….You’re out of sight but never out of mind. Your emails, texts and phone calls make me laugh, cry and miss you even more. You’re always welcome here for visits…
2. Safari. The most amazing trip, ever. Animals, scenery, people, company. Bliss.
1. Christmas. Spending time with the people that you love, in a place that you love…what’s not to love?!

Can We Stay Here Forever?

We never got tired of heading out on game drives. Towards the end of the trip we’d really got into our safari groove, scanning the horizon with binoculars like true professionals. You literally see something new every time you head out – and you never know what it will be.

Anderson our guide had lived in the Mara his whole life and worked as a guide for years and years – and he was still genuinely thrilled each time we saw an animal. His exclamations of ‘oh my god’ when we saw a leopard or rhino, and his excited giggles when cheetah played in front of the car were really infectious.

It was a sad day when we had to leave, and a sombre drive to the airstrip with Anderson. I think the big man had a tear in his eye - Andrea and I definitely did, although each for different reasons - I'd seen the minuscule plane we had to get into!

There’s definitely something in the air in Kenya which makes it extremely special. It’s not just the landscape, the animals, the amazing people, there’s something about the soul of the place which is captivating, relaxing and exciting in equal measure. In case you hadn’t realized, I loved it. If you’re thinking of going – head there soon…and hit me up for all my travel details…you HAVE to stay at Olonana…

Drama, Comedy, Suspense…Safari has it All

As I mentioned earlier, in the main we were overwhelmed by how peaceful the Masai Mara is. A large proportion of the animals are herbivores, so spend their days happily munching grass, trees and bushes.

But obviously, there’s the meat-eaters. And there’s quite a lot of them. And by Day 3 it stood to reason that we were going to see something getting eaten.

The lions were the first predators we saw in action, and they make quite a team. They’re amazingly impressive up close, and it’s easy to forget that they’re basically enormous killing machines. We watched a pride chase a wart-hog into a hole and then spend the next hour digging it out. Patience and tenacity in spades.

Later we discovered that one of the resident leopards (and there was only three in the near vicinity) had been killed by a hyena. We went to see the evidence- not pleasant. Anderson was visibly moved and it was a very sobering moment.

Another occasion saw us literally stumble over a cheetah who had just eaten – evident by it’s huge stomach and bloody mouth. It was obviously slipping into a food coma and was far too sated to do anything other than collapse on its back into a heap, which allowed us the most amazing close-up view of its tummy. Crying out to be tickled. Joke.

Later we saw a group of nine lions stalk another wart-hog. Watching them emerge slowly slowly from the bushes and stalk it through the long grass was honestly a ‘heart in the mouth’ moment. The warthog escaped unscathed in the end, by which time my nerves were shot to pieces.

On our last day we got a flat tyre, right in the middle of the bush. On one side of us were elephants, the other side giraffe, and behind us a huge group of antelope. The big sort. Didn’t help my nerves that only the day before we’d seen lions in that very spot. Thankfully Anderson proved to be a dab hand at changing tyres and we were only out of the car for about ten minutes.

Thankfully all this drama and suspense we came across some elephants wallowing in a muddy hole. It was truly hilarious and a typical example of the range of emotions that you experience on safari. Amazing.

Questions To Ask Your Safari Guide

Every day brought a barrage of questions for Anderson, our affable and highly knowledgeable guide (pictured here helping us to set up breakfast). How he put up with us, I don’t know. Here's what he had to endure during our trip:

Q: What does /y/z animal eat?
A: Dependent on animal, of course.

Q: Does x/y/z animal sleep at night?
A: As above. Giraffes sleep lying down but with their necks straight up in the air. Who knew?

Q: Where does x/y/z animal sleep at night?
A: Completely depends. Leopards stay up in the trees.

Q: Why don’t leopards fall out of the trees?
A: They balance themselves cleverly.

Q: What’s your favourite animal?
A: Cheetah, because they’re very friendly.

Q: Why aren’t animals green for camouflage?
A: Anderson quite rightly ignored this question.

Q: Can you do any animal impressions?
A: Although at first Anderson was reluctant to do any impressions he did later crack out a great cheetah noise. (A high pitched squeak and not at all what we were expecting!)

Q: What lives in that hole?
A: A hyena. Or a warthog. I wasn’t going to stick my head into it to find out.

Q: If the car broke down, would the animals eat us.
A: (After much laughter) No. This was proved to be correct when the car did in fact, break down.

Q: What are your views on zoos?
A: Anderson has never visited a zoo but isn’t keen on how they sound. At all.

Q: Where does the petrol for the 4x4’s come from?
A: A tanker makes a 4 day trip from Nairobi once a month and fills a tank on-site.

Q: Why do giraffes have blue tongues?
A: The only question that stumped Anderson. I happen to know the answer after a trip to Desert Islands and their resident giraffe group. Think you know the answer? Let me know and I’ll tell you if you’re right!

The Early Bird Catches The…..

Our first full day on the Mara started early – it’s best to get up and out by 6.30 am as it’s cooler and the animals are more active. After a sleepless night (see previous post) it wasn’t easy getting out of bed, but it’s amazing how quickly you perk up with the cool breeze blowing over you, a beautiful sunrise, and the sight of hot air balloons rising slowly in the distance.

We soon realized what the blankets in the car were for (Queen Mother chic) but we didn’t need them for long. And to be honest, the excitement of seeing a leopard (Big 5: Done) meant that any thoughts about temperature went out of the window.

After rocking around the Mara for almost three hours Anderson drove us to a perfect spot on the banks of the river: breakfast time. I’m not sure what I was imagining but it wasn’t a five course gourmet feast, with hot coffee. Amazing. More animal bothering and then back to the camp for lunch. I’m sure we did more each day than just eat and drink wine!

Oh yes, we also went to the spa. Yes, on top of all the other luxurious touches, there was a spa in camp. The memory of lying in the open air next to the river being massaged, lifting up my head and realizing we were being watched by a baboon and a hippo, will stay with me for quite some time!

That evening took a magical turn. Up until that point there’d only been a few people in the camp with us, but some new arrivals meant our numbers had risen to nine. Nothing like feeling you’re in your own private hide-away. Because of this the camp decided to throw us a surprise party…..in the middle of the bush, under the moonlight. They tricked us into going with promises of moonlight animal watching, and as we did actually stop to watch hippos grazing, we all fell for it. It was pretty special to sit under the stars and the full moon with a cold glass of wine whilst (yet another) amazing meal was prepared for us.

We did have a brief altercation with the Texan contingent after a particularly stupid comment by them about the Middle East. Needless to say Auntie Andrea put them in their place, which meant that they gave us a wide berth for the rest of their stay..bothered?!

Anyway all of that was forgotten after a few hours of wine and food. And the highlight….the entire camp arrived, with guitars, singing their own Olonana Camp song. In what can only be described as a conga. It might sound cack, but it was hilarious. Obviously the English girls were straight up out of their seats and joining in (no coincidence that we were propositioned about ten times by the end of the trip. We did consider how we’d cope with the life in the local village but decided on balance, we couldn’t hack it). Some enchanted evening.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Sleeping in a tent, albeit a luxury one with a wooden ‘skin’ does take a bit of getting used to, namely because you are right in the heart of nature.

The first night I felt like I woke up every hour on the hour – at one point because A woke up and thought there was someone in the tent (not likely as we had a Masai tribesman outside it all night).

Otherwise it was the strange sounds and noises that kept waking me. At any given point you could hear (in no particular order): hippos grunting (very loud), the river running and gurgling, cow bells, crickets, birds and Egyptian geese. It was mayhem out there! My first night back in my Dubai bed actually felt very quiet by comparison.

Animal Bothering

To be honest, it would be easier to tell you what we didn’t see…but even then, I’d struggle! We started spotting animals the moment we got off the plane at the airstrip. Here’s what I can remember:

The Big 5 – lion, leopard, cheetah, rhino and elephant. Not in the Big 5 but still amazing: giraffe, zebra, serval, baboon, hippo, water buffalo, vulture, eagle, warthog (amazing!), hyena, wildebeest, mongoose, antelope, crocodile, bat, lizard, jackal. They kept us very busy!

My Top Safari Tips

Keep your mouth closed most of the time, and especially when you’re driving across the Mara in your 4x4. Insects were never really a problem but there were a fair few winged creatures bouncing off my head as we went along. At one point the girl sat behind me announced: Kelly, I’m about to hit you on the head, but it’s because there’s a giant bug on it. Hurl! I would have hated for that to go anywhere near my mouth…

It’s not THAT cold…and it’s not THAT hot. I’d heard horror stories about how utterly freezing it becomes at night – what a load of rubbish! Maybe it’s because I’m used to harsh Northern England winters, but 15 degrees at night is not cold to me. Duncan our butler very kindly popped a hot water bottle in our beds each night, but I never needed it.

Safari dust is like glue. I’m used to living in the desert with a fine covering of sand over my balcony/inside my flat etc etc, but this stuff is different. After a day animal watching I’d use a face wipe, wash my face, have a shower, and STILL the towel would be black with dust at the end. What’s in it?!

Consider taking a sports bra with you. No, I’m not joking. I can’t describe the state of the roads – well they’re not roads, just tracks through the Mara. The first day I felt like I needed spine surgery – you do get used to it by the end of your trip. Back to my original trip – if you’re, ahem, blessed in the chest department, you could find this endless bouncing around quite painful…..

Make sure you take binoculars. You spend a huge part of your time scanning the horizon for..well..anything. Without them you'll just be looking at a load of grass for days.....

Half the Adventure is Getting There….

Safari, stage one……in all the excitement of getting up at stupid o’clock to get to Sharjah airport (incidentally, it may not be the most modern of terminals, but Air Arabia are amazing) I completely forgot that I do, on occasion get extremely travel sick. As in: raging nausea, hot sweats, in short: wanting to die. It didn’t help that the flight started out quite bumpy, and it also didn’t help that a) the guy sat across the aisle to me kept burping really loudly (nice) or that b) the girl sat next to him spent half an hour throwing up noisily into a carrier bag. Anyway, after some travel sickness tablets I came around..over the counter pharmaceuticals from Dubai somehow seem so much more powerful and effective than back home!

4.5 hours later we arrived at Nairobi airport to be met by our first lovely guide, Joseph. He was at pains to take us through every item on our itinerary- we were in a frenzy of excitement and trying to crack open bottles of wine in the back of the car (you can take the girl out of Manchester..).

We’d opted to stay just outside of the city in a gorgeous place called the House of Waine. It’s a private house that has been converted into a guest house. It’s small boutique style place with themed rooms and gorgeous gardens. There wasn’t much to do apart from drink wine, chill in the gardens, and eat. Bliss.

Next morning and the moment I’d been dreading…..the Safari Link plane down to the Masai Mara. I’m not scared of flying, in fact I love travelling and never think twice about getting on a plane. Big planes, that is. Small planes, I don’t get along with. It’s something I just can’t control, they terrify me.

This plane was a 13 seater - If I’d have known at this stage how much smaller the plane on the return route would be….well, that’s a story for later. Our pilot introduced himself – Jackson – it didn’t help that he looked about 12, and was there really any need for him to keep insulting the map as we went along?? It wasn’t really instilling me with confidence. I won’t go into the torrid detail, but there were tears… I could barely get off the plane at the end, but soon perked up when we were met by our wonderful guide for the next five days, Anderson.

We’d barely been in the 4x4 for five minutes when we started making our first sightings, by the time we arrived at Olonana Camp we were in a state of near-hysteria. The head of staff, Maurice (they all have such English names!) and introduced us to Daniel, our personal waiter, Duncan, our butler, and a myriad of other people on hand to look after us. Spoilt isn’t even the word.

After an amazing lunch we headed out on our first afternoon game drive. We saw everything, apart from a leopard (which we saw the next morning). Truly amazing. What Anderson doesn’t know about animals really isn’t worth knowing. We rounded off the evening with wine, dinner, and cards by the fire. Bliss.

I'm Back! Did You Miss Me?!

Safari…where do I start? There’s just so so much to write about, and I make no apologies for my blog being completely safari orientated for the next few days! Before I get into the detail, one of my main impressions of the Masai Mara was just how peaceful it was. Not literally, although it was incredibly quiet, just birdsong and the wind moving through the trees and bushes..but more in terms of how everything lives alongside each other in harmony.

Years of watching David Attenborough programmes, with their scenes of chases and kills, all set to dramatic music, made me expect a place of high drama. There were definitely moments of tension and drama (more on that later!) but overall serenity was the name of the game. Giraffe grazed next to zebra, rhino, antelope and baboons, whilst a leopard watched from a tree above. It was a lesson in co-existing which we could all learn a lot from. More safari updates very soon….

Safari, So Good

Did I mention that I'm off on safari?! Yes, at the end of November we shall be jetting off to Nairobi (a bargain basement 180 flight from Dubai!) and then heading down to the Masai Mara for four nights. Just in case you're worried about me slumming it, we'll be staying in a lodge from the Conde Nast Gold List. They don't let any old Tom, Dick or Harry onto that list, you know.

We're talking boutique - just 14 tents, each with its own private butler. Well, after the team of staff in Sri Lanka it would be hard to do without them, non?

Lions, tigers and bears, oh my, are just a short drive away, and get this: there's a family of hippos in the river next to the tents. Treat!

It's something I've wanted to do my whole life, so needless to say, excitement is at fever pitch. There are of course, the crucial questions about what to wear/take with us, not to mention a few personal fears that I'm going to have to overcome. I can't even talk about the four/six legged/winged issue, and don't get me started on flying to the Mara in a plane the size of a postage stamp.

Today's trials included the yellow fever jab (and for those who saw me after the last lot of jabs in July, this could get ugly later) and discussing which malaria tablets are last likely to make you suicidal. Nice. Even better - the best one on the market, with no side effects, ISN'T AVAILABLE IN THE UAE. My doctor was very apologetic and suggested something else - but then revealed that he thought twice about taking them as they're supposed to be so bad.

Which begs the question: malaria: how bad can it be?!