You Can’t Buy Class

I’ve just finished Madonna’s biography, as written by her estranged brother. I’m not particularly wowed by Madonna, but the opportunity to glean fascinating titbits about the megastar’s life got the better of me and I really enjoyed the read.

Now, I truly couldn’t care less about her impending divorce (‘ordinary’ people go though far worse each day without the luxury of her vast wealth to cushion their pain) but I did think that the comment from Guy Ritchie that going to bed with Madonna was like: “cuddling up to a piece of gristle” a bit rum. I mean, he probably has a point, but come on, do you really have to say it out loud? What a gent.

Podcasts by the Pool

It’s bad enough that the tv here is dire. But the radio is just as bad, if not worse. Call me old fashioned, but you just can’t beat a bit of Radio 2. I am so old!

Thank god for the BBC and their downloadable podcasts. These are the best invention ever – your favourite radio show minus the music, just the chat. Each week I download Chris Evans, Chris Moyles, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand. I’ve had to stop listening to the Russell Brand ones by the pool as my hyena-like laughter has started to get a bit embarrassing.

I used to listen to these on my daily walks to work through Manchester. Now I catch up with them by the pool or on the beach. Bliss.

Egg Chasing

I have tickets for one of the hottest events in Dubai’s social calendar – the Rugby 7’s in November! Am not great at sitting through an entire rugby game (although I did watch the England final last year – I was in Galway, and the atmosphere overtook me completely), but Rugby 7’s is a different matter entirely. So much faster than conventional rugby, so no time to get bored.

The last time I watched 7’s was at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester. Before the stadium was handed over to Manchester City football club, the stadium was covered on three sides only. In typical Manchester form it pixxed it down all day, and in typical form, I was sat in the end without a roof! Still, it was great fun.

Am slightly concerned about horror stories of the weather last year (apparently the rain was torrential last year) and also of tales of 3 hour queues for a taxi home. So (this being Dubai) we’ve sorted a driver for the day. Shame I can’t guarantee the weather!

How Young is Too Young

So, I nipped into the local Starbucks yesterday for an iced coffee. There was a woman with two children in the queue in front of me. She was clearly their maid, and had been sent to fetch drinks with the kids for the rest of the family. A normal Dubai scene.

The kids were pretty badly behaved but nothing too shocking. What did make me do a complete double-take though, was this: when it was time to pay, the eldest of the two children (who I estimated to be 5 years old, at the most) reached into her pocked, and handed over a credit card.

The assistant swiped the card, printed out the slip – and PASSED IT TO THE CHILD TO SIGN. Which she did. He accepted this.

I obviously did a huge double take, as did the woman in the queue behind me.

I mean, I know we’re in Dubai, which is like nowhere else on earth. And having a parent’s credit card is pretty standard behaviour here. But surely NOT when you are 5 years old and can barely even write. What is wrong with people here???!!

Can Anyone Drive?

Stumbled across and old episode of Sex and the City last night. I have, of course, seen every episode at least 20 times (I'm a 30 something year old woman, their lives were my life story only with better shoes) but awful tv here means that I'll watch anything decent, regardless of having seen it before.

It was the one where the girls head out of town to a baby shower. They've rented a car for this journey, and as they prepare to set off, climb into the back seat, and the passenger seat, but no-one gets into the driver's seat. They're all so used to walking and cabbing everywhere in New York that they forget someone needs to drive.

Chance would be a fine thing here!

A Worrying Turd of Events

Say Dubai, and what do you think of?
Glorious sunshine? Yes.
Amazing hotels and restaurants? Hmm hmm.
White sandy beaches and crystal blue sea? Well, no actually, quite the opposite.

Dubai has been having a small crisis recently, in the shape of raw sewage being dumped straight into the sea. Why? Well Dubai has no sewage system (no, really) instead sewage is collected by large tankers and taken to a sewage plant on the outskirts of the city. Unfortunately Dubai has grown at such a pace that this plant is well over capacity, and tankers can queue for up to 12 hours to discharge their waste. And tanker drivers are paid according to how many loads they take. Or dump down drains, as the case would seem.

This has led to sewage making its way onto the beaches, and the situation is very serious. Raw sewage, as you can imagine, carries all sorts of nasty bacteria and creatures, which at best might give you a bit of a dodgy tummy, at worse could leave you with full-blown e-coli or even make you go blind. Nice!

It’s meant that we haven’t been to the beach in a few weeks (they actually closed one of them last week), but this isn’t supposed to be a moan about how this infringes on my bikini time, more a concern that this can happen. I’m truly amazed that the international press hasn't got a whiff of the story. (Couldn't resist that pun, sorry.)

Who Ate All the Hummus?

Some readers have made the observation that all I do here in Dubai is eat and drink. Well you’re…..right! With so many fabulous hotels, each with numerous restaurants, it seems rude not to partake in as many of their wares as is possible whilst I’m here.

Combine this with the fact that it is so hard to combine any physical activity into your day – walking is impossible (heat, fear of being mown down by erratic drivers, no pavements) and I am reminded of the warning I was given before I came here: watch out for the ‘Dubai Stone’. This is, at it sounds, the depressing fact that most people chunk on the pounds when they get here.

Weirdly, I don’t actually weigh any more than I did when I arrived, but my body does feel different, and let’s just say that some of my clothes seem to have, ahem, ‘shrunk in the wash’.

I try to swim a couple of nights a week and I usually make it to the gym on a Saturday. But it is hard to get motivated for anything more than that – if I finish work at 8 then there is no chance of me throwing myself into any physical activity that doesn’t involve uncorking a bottle.

So, I’m not a bloater – yet. But watch this space.

So, How Cold Does it Get?

October has been a treat so far as the temperature has finally dropped. It’s now a cool 36-37 degrees in the day time, and about 30 at night. Divine! It must be a sure sign that I’ve settled in here, considering these temperatures not only completely normal and bearable, but a relief. Last month was nasty, not only hot but VERY humid – as high as 60-70%.

It’s cooled down enough to walk up to the bars, hotels and restaurants near our apartment – a very pleasant 10 minute walk. The novelty of walking anywhere in Dubai is not to be under-estimated!

So now my thoughts have turned to this: just how cold is it going to get? My number one favourite thing about Dubai is the weather, and if this goes too far downhill, well, there will be trouble!

Everyone from friends to colleagues to clients has a different view on the weather. Some people say it gets very cold – cold enough for tights, knee high boots and a winter coat, if this is the case, I am not going to be happy. Others say this is complete balderdash and it won’t get below 23 at the lowest in the day.

A colleague says that children walk to school wearing hats and gloves, and some construction workers wear balaclavas! It should be interesting anyway, especially as our apartment is completely devoid of any heating whatsoever.

Anyway, today is blue sky and sunshine, for a change. How can I ever face English weather again?

Muppet Excitement!

TV here is dreadful. There is no Sky, just a very dodgy cable service which gives you umpteen channels but very little to watch. I swear I spend more time looking for stuff to watch than actually watching stuff. I very often turn the tv off and read instead.

So, imagine my excitement when I discovered that the classic film: “Muppets from Space” was on last night! As far as Mupppets films go it was nowhere near as good as “Muppet Treasure Island”, or my all time favourite “Muppets take Manhattan”, but it was the Muppets, and that was good enough for me.

I’m not ashamed to say that I shed a small tear at the end when Gonzo chose to stay with his friends rather than leave in a spaceship. Maybe I should keep this sort of information to myself?!

Four Legged Friends?

You may remember me mentioning that they’re not too keen on animals here in the Middle East. They don’t see the point in keeping pets, and the growing population of four legged friends here is mainly owned by the ex-pat population.

A colleague came into the office last week most upset. She’d woken up in the morning to find that someone had tied a puppy to her gate, and abandoned it there. Why did they choose her house? She thinks it’s because they already own a dog (he is a big fella but very cute) so someone figured that they would keep this little guy.

This is very common here – abandoning pets that is. There are two charities, one for felines, one for canines, and they are always completely chocka with animals that have been turfed out on the streets.

Anyway, the story does have a happy ending. In true pr person style we drafted a very persuasive email highlighting all of the little guy’s best features (cute, playful, well behaved, house-trained, wet nose, waggy tail, etc) and then circulated it to everyone we knew. With obligatory cute photos of course. And he now has a new home! Hurrah.