I’m 4 hours ahead of you now!

As the clocks go back in good Blighty this Sunday, I just felt the need to point this out, folks. So now I have to wait until 1 pm instead of 12 for you to wake up, get to the office and respond to my emails, boo!

Sleighbells Ring…..

I KNOW it’s only October. But it’s never too early to book your Christmas Day activities here in Dubai. In my home town it is customary to go out for Christmas lunch – a great idea which my family has always embraced. You can actually see the relief on women’s faces as they sit happily being waited on rather than being chained to the stove at home. I digress.

Here it is customary to do the same, with the added twist that most hotels will not only make your lunch for you, but also deliver it to your door (thanks for the tip Alice!).

I opted for the out of home experience, and have a table booked at the gorgeous Ritz-Carlton on the beach. Our table is on the terrace, if you please. I’ve always wanted a warm Christmas (sand over snow any day for me) so I’m really looking forward to it.

God, are you there?

It's amazing what you can find on the internet....

Stuck in a?

You may have gathered from my posts that traffic in Dubai is awful. I really can’t begin to describe how frustrating it is. Gitex hit Dubai this week – a show for all things techie and electronic. I should have known from Cityscape a few weeks before that it would be mayhem on the roads, but I was still surprised when what should have been a ten minute journey to the show took an hour. Yes, one whole hour to travel all of half a mile. What a great use of my time.

Journeys to Abu Dhabi are now taking up to two hours. And last week it took 3 hours to get back. For a 95 mile journey, I think that’s a bit rough.

This makes you think twice about venturing out of the house when you finally arrive home after a long day at work. There’s not much incentive to drag yourself back into a car or taxi at 8 or 9 o’clock when you know it will take you another hour to get anywhere.
I’m lucky because the apartment is next to a myriad of hotels and restaurants, but seriously, I have eaten nearly everything from every single menu. A girl needs some variety! I am determined to get out more in the next few weeks. Watch this space!

Many a True Word Spoken in Jest

I love this joke:

SOCIALISM:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:You have two cows. Both are mad.

LEBANON SYSTEM:You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by thegovernment.

EGYPT SYSTEM:You have two cows. Both vote for Mubarak.

DUBAI SYSTEM:You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a ' Cow City ' or 'Milk Village ' for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to re -sell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract media attention.

SHARJAH SYSTEM:You have two cows. You sell them to an investor in Dubai. The cows get stuck in traffic between Sharjah to Dubai and die. You have zero cows now.

ABU DHABI SYSTEM:You have two cows. So what? We have Oil.

Anyone for...Polo?

We stopped off here on the way home. A cliché I know, but it really is an oasis in the desert. The hotel overlooks an immaculate polo pitch, with exercise track running round it.
When it became clear that we weren’t going to see any polo ponies practicing we gave up our seats in the afternoon sunshine and headed home. Not before I’d bothered a few members of staff about where the ponies lived, what the ponies ate, how the ponies trained…..I may not be allowed back

Shopping – Chinese Style

You’ve head of Wal-mart, well here in Dubai we have Dragon-Mart (see what they did there?). It’s an enormous Chinese supermarket on the outskirts of the city. To say supermarket may have you thinking of your local Asda – well this is on a much, much larger scale.

It’s divided up into lots of different sections – as varied and diverse as the predictable clothes, bags, etc. Then you go round to electronics, fine. Then you turn a corner and find a load of fork-lift trucks. I’m not joking!

Still, I think this may be the perfect solution to shopping with a boy. I’ve always preferred to shop alone to be honest, I’m very single minded and know quickly what I want or don’t want. There’s nothing worse than a man huffing and puffing over your shoulder as you elbow someone out of the way to get to that perfect pair of shoes. Or face cream, Or…you get my drift.

No chance of this happening at Dragonmart. The boy disappeared off into my idea of hell (the heavy machinery section) for at least an hour, leaving me free to roam the shops. I returned jubilant with a variety of gorgeous dresses (30 dirhams each – that’s just over 4 quid) and presents for the gang when I return to Manchester in December. I hope you’ve been good guys!

Another Day, Another Challenge

One of the particularly tricky things about life here in Dubai is that very few people in the service industries speak English as their first language. As a particularly fast speaker (I work in PR, it’s practically on the job description!) and woman who sees no point in using two words when ten will do, this has made me completely change my use of language.

Some examples:

Me, usually (to concierge):

I believe there are some guest suites in the building for people to stay in when they come to visit Dubai. I’d like to book my parents into them in January. The apartment is a bit small for us all to squeeze into! Any idea of prices or booking procedure would be great, please.

Me, in Dubai:

Guest suites. Open? (Accompanied by lifting up of shoulders and hands in air and quizzical expression.)

Me, usually (to laundry man):

Last week when you collected our ironing you took a king sized duvet cover from us. I can’t find it now, do you think you might have forgotten to drop it off? Could you check and let me know as soon as possible, as I don’t have a spare! Many thanks.

Me, in Dubai:

My duvet cover is missing.

Me, usually (to car hire company):

I’d like some prices please for a couple of different options of hiring a car. It’s for a client event. I need an option where I have one car, to seat one person, and a second option, where I have a bigger car, for example a people carrier. I need the cars for a return trip to Abu Dhabi from Dubai, in October and January. Many thanks.

Me, in Dubai, to car hire company:

How much cars to Abu Dhabi?

Get my drift? Really quite exhausting!

Hello Diabetes!

The devilishly addictive Krispy Kreme have just announced that they are opening a new store in Dubai…..in my apartment building!! I mean, come on, give a girl a chance!

It’s one thing resisting the sugary blighters when you occasionally pass by a store in a mall, but another thing entirely when you drive past it twice a day, every day, and can reach it in about 20 steps. Temptation has a face. And it’s round and glazed.

Shank’s Pony

As you may have gathered, walking anywhere in Dubai is pretty much impossible. But I did prove that it can be done this weekend! After a delightful evening of wine and cheese at a nearby hotel (15 quid for 3 hours of unlimited delicious wine and divine cheese) I decided to leave the car in the underground car park and walk home. This was quite a hairy experience – dark, no pavement, and people driving way too fast. Still, I made it home in piece. It’s cooled down to about 25 in the evening now so it was actually quite pleasant.

Fast forward to yesterday when I then had to retrieve the car. Broad daylight made the walk a bit easier but as it was about 37 degrees it was a bit of a hotter walk. What was amusing about the whole episode was how bemused people were that I was walking. Three taxis stopped to see if I wanted a lift – and couldn’t believe that I was opting to walk what is probably a 400 metre stroll. The ever-present construction workers sweeping, holding ropes, going past on a tricycle (what DOES that guy do?) were completely fascinated by me walking past. “There she goes, the crazy English lady walking in the heat!”. I’ll concede that it was a tad hot. But my legs really appreciated getting stretched.