The Joys of Qatar

I'm in Qatar this week. It's growing on me a lot, actually. It has a lovely corniche area which people jog/walk along at night. This time I'm staying in the Movenpick- great view of sparkling blue sea, sand, palm trees.

Couple of things that are different here in Qatar: it's a few degrees colder. Quite significantly so in the evening.

Not every hotel has an alcohol licence. And wouldn't you know it - mine is one which doesn't. You can imagine my disappointment as I settled down in my fluffy bathrobe, freshly fake tanned, to order a nice glass of pinot grigio. I had to settle for a bottle of mineral water. Delicious! Still, my liver and my waistline will be grateful in the long run, I guess.

Lost in Translation

Some very typical English phrases/words which have had my colleagues scratching their heads, and me howling with laughter, recently:

Wild horses wouldn't drag me there
Up shxt creek without a paddle
Silly sausage
Silly goose
Muffin top
What a munter
Hamster back
I'm not being funny but.....
What a kerfuffle
Wishy washy
Bonk-buster

There are so so many of these, every day. Well, they make me smile.

My Name is Helen

Fresh back from a hilarious girls weekend away. Stayed at the divine Shangri-La in Abu Dhabi, which sits overlooking the world’s largest Mosque. A gorgeous view. It has a souk next door which you can travel to by Abra ( a small traditional wooden boat) or golf cart.

After an evening of delicious dinner and scintillating conversation (of course!) we retired to the hotel bar for a few scoops. We hadn’t been sat down for long when we caught the attention of an (ahem) rotund local gentleman, who began sending drinks to the table. So far, nothing really out of the ordinary, although this doesn’t happen to me all that often, I have to say. Anyway, this went on for quite some time, with various glasses of wine, and other, more unpalatable looking cocktails and shots arriving on the table. Unsolicited by us, just to clarify. Each time this happened the waitress came over looking very embarrassed about the situation.

Eventually, the inevitable happened. The waitress came over to say that the rotund gentleman would like to join us. We declined, politely, explaining that we were having far too much girl talk to be interrupted. Despite this, he ignored us and joined us anyway. It soon became clear that not only was he rotund, but also sweaty, and very, very drunk. There followed on the most hilarious interchanges I have ever experienced. I’ve tried to re-create it below but to be honest it loses a lot in translation.

Him: What is your name (pointing at me.)
Me: Kelly
Him: Helen?
Me: No, Kelly
Him: Helen?
Me: No, Kelly
Him: Helen?
Me: (admitting defeat) Yes, that’s right Helen.
Him: Helen, I have 57 cars.
Me: That’s nice.
Him: I can give you a car.
Me: That’s ok, thanks.
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Manchester.
Him: I was in Manchester in 1979.
Me: I was three years old then.
Him: I have a big property in London.
Me: That’s nice.
Him: You can go and stay there.
Me: (Trying to look enthusiastic) Great.
Him: Next time you come to Abu Dhabi, you can stay in one of my properties. I have many properties.
Me: Lovely.
Him: Are you married?
Me: No. How many wives have you got?
Him: One. 7 children.
Me: How lovely.
Him: Give me your phone number.
Me: Writing down a fake phone number: here you go.
Him: Take my phone number.
Me: Ok. (Instantly throwing number over my shoulder.)
Him: (After answering his mobile) I go now.
Me: Was that your wife then?!

And off he went lumbering into the night. I tell you, it was a very bizarre experience. And what worries me the most is that these were clearly tried and trusted lines from him. Yes, welcome to the place where “I have 57 cars” is seen as an acceptable chat up line. Nice!

Happy Easter

Despite living in a Muslim country, we, unusually, have been given Easter Sunday off. Meaning a three day weekend – what a treat! As usual they let us know at the last minute, but hey, I’m not complaining. Have snagged a room at the gorgeous Shangri-La in Abu Dhabi. Think white beach, infinity pool, and ultimate luxury. The road trip begins at 9 am tomorrow. Celebrity gossip magazines are ready as is enormous beach hat. And of course the girls. Bliss!

I'm Back!

Hello dear readers! Did you miss me?! No, I haven't disappeared off the face off the earth entirely. It's been a busy old time what with visitor season and all. I have now firmly packed the parentals and grandma back to Jersey. Bless them. They loved Dubai, and it was great to see it through their eyes.
There was however, no need for the weather during their trip. It was horrendous! Torrential rain for about 5 days out of 7. Horrific. You can imagine the debacle that was the Open Top Bus Tour - hmmm attractive when in pac a mac with thunderstorm whirling around you and rain driving into your face at a 90 degree angle. Still ,as we kept saying, at least it wasn't cold. If we'd been in Manchester it would have been the same only much, much icier.
So, the blow up bed is deflated, bedding put away, ready for the next batch of visitors. You know you are beautiful people!

Just like Vegas....well almost....

The fountains have started working properly! You may remember me mentioning that Dubai has paid to have the world's biggest fountain (of course, why bother with a piddly effort) and even enlisted the help of the designers of the Bellagio fountains in Vegas to make sure that we don't have anything shoddy.

They've been testing them on and off recently on my walk home from work, but this weekend, I saw them in full effect. And they're pretty impressive! Lots of water (natch), lights and music. I couldn't hear this properly from my vantage point, but I caught a whiff of soft rock wafting over the water. No need! Still, the fountains are pretty, if you like that sort of thing. You can see my efforts at taking photos here. That huge beast inthe background that the light is reflecting off is the Burj.

Weird Weather

We’re in the middle of a huge sandstorm at the moment. It does exactly what it says on the tin: very very high winds, (I had to rescue the washing from the balcony this morning where some of my smalls were threatening to fling themselves off and onto the pool below – imagine the shame!) combined with a lot of sand being flung into the air.

This means that visibility on the roads – or anywhere – is very bad, and on leaving the apartment this morning I had half a ton of sand:

a) in my hair
b) in my eyes
c) in my lipgloss

Not a good look! I abandoned the usual walk to work and hailed a cab. On arrival at the office I looked like a crazed afghan hound that’s had a particularly vigorous walk on the beach. Nice!

News Travels....

Word travels very fast in Dubai, and you can discover news through all sorts of mediums. One quick way to know if anyone in the ruling family has died is via radio. Not by an announcement, but by the fact that all stations suddenly switch to classical music.

This happened this morning to colleagues on their way to Abu Dhabi. As soon as the switch happened they called us in the office. We then called media contacts, who told us that the uncle of General Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum had passed away. Sometimes this means an immediate day's holiday (it’s decided by rank). On this occasion, no holiday. Boo!

Ain't No Building High Enough!

They're keen on tall buildings here in Dubai. this weekend I discovered another one - the Harbour Hotel down at the Marina. Not the most spectacular of buildings (although Posh and Becks did deign to enter when he was here with AC Milan) but the view from the 52nd floor is pretty impressive.

As the hotel is situated at the edge of the Marina, you get to see all the other towers at that end, boats in the yacht club, and look back towards the creek - all from one location. It was a hazy day - not that the sandstorm stopped me lying by the pool in the morning - I'm British, take more than that to put me off! this meant that the view wasn't super-clear, but it was still very impressive.

To help proceedings along, there's a happy hour every day, with half price wine and delish food. The baked camembert (with rosemary and honey) was to die for.

The problem is that every time I venture anywhere new here, it then becomes a 'must-do'. Which means it becomes very hard to decide where to go when time is limited. Decisions, decisions.

Greetings, indeed.

I'm getting used to the weird and wonderful prices of things here in Dubai. Some things (local fruit and veg) are amazingly cheap. 30p for 6 limes. Bargain! Othere things are horrendously expensive, with no real rhyme or reason.

Take for example, greetings cards. I stopped off at the local card shop on the way home to buy four cards last night. Guess how much they cost. go, on, guess. TWENTY QUID!!!!! YES, TWENTY QUID!!!!!!! And these were not gorgeous, handmade jobs a la Paperchase that you don't mind paying a bit more for. These were very simple, bog standard Clinton-card style ones. A scandal. And to add insult to injury, you have maybe a 50/50 chance of them actuaolly getting to the UK thanks to the ridiculously bad postal system. Great! Perhaps this is my chance to start up my own business??!!