Blood, Needles and Queues

One of the ridiculously long stages in getting your visa in Dubai involves having a medical. This essentially means a chest x-ray and blood test.

I set off for Bur Dubai hospital with a couple of colleagues, following our company PRO (this is the person who sorts out your visa) in rush hour traffic across the city. An interesting journey made slightly frantic by said PRO’s driving – how do you expect me to follow you when you’re cutting up other drivers? And the fact that my petrol light started flashing the moment we left the building. Hey ho!

The hospital was a dusty old low-rise building that looked like it had been built in the 50’s. I consoled myself with the thought that surely the MRSA bug cannot survive 50 degree heat.

We then spent the next 2 hours mainly queuing, as our PRO ran from place to place picking up forms, getting forms stamped, picking up more forms, getting more forms stamped. But the best bit is this: if you’re a woman, you get complete preferential treatment. You can jump the queue, and if any man so much as jostles you, a very stern woman shouts at the top of her voice: “Can all the men PLEASE leave the room!” Genius.

As the entire hospital was filled with approximately 10, 000 Indian construction workers, and I was the only white, western, blonde, six foot woman (wearing silver wedges, naturally) you can imagine this queue jumping was the cause of much fascination.

Had a slightly wobbly moment when I realized that the blood test did not involve going into a room one by one – how stupid of me! But instead all sitting in one room, gathered round tables, so as you are waiting you can see blood and needles all over the place. Likewise when your turn comes everyone can stare at your horrified face as you try to avoid looking at said blood and needles.

So, who knows how long my visa will now take? It’s Dubai, it’s a million dollar question!

Is Guacamole Addictive?

Ah, another high-brow post…..I have to share my latest obsession: Mexican food! This will come as no surprise to most of you who know that my capacity for eating food is akin to Paris Hilton’s love of leaving the house pant-less.

We discovered an amazing little Mexican restaurant thanks to some friends last week, and since then I have had to return…drawn by their guacamole! This may sound ridiculous, but it must be tasted to be believed! They make it in front of you at the table with a huge pestle and mortar, and flavour it to your own taste. Yum!

Cactus is on the menu but I have been too busy inhaling burritos to get that far through it. No doubt I will be visiting again soon. Goodbye waistline!

What, no canines?

I was driving along the road this week when a very unusual sight greeted me: two very excited dogs being taken for a walk. This is a very unusual sight here. They don’t like dogs…or cats..or any sort of pets really. Dogs are banned from most parks and beaches, aside from the odd one, and even then they can only go at certain times.

The influx of ex-pats is certainly changing things – we’re allowed dogs in our apartment complex – in fact so far I have met:

One black Labrador puppy (very bouncy with extra long tongue)
One grey poodle (large diamante collar)
One small hairy brown sausage dog (like small rug or wig with legs)

It must be hard having a dog here with nowhere to walk it. There has also been a case where residents who had been told they could have pets no longer can, and are now facing the prospect of having to re-home their furry friends.

It’s a shame, in my opinion.

Sand, planes and camels

Spent a delightful day and evening at the Jebel Ali Golf Resort last Friday. The actually hotel itself was looking a little dated, but the amazing part of it is that it is set in beautiful lush green grounds (yes, in the desert) and is right on the beach.

You’d think I would spend a lot of time on the beach, but as I think I’ve explained, it’s dark by the time I get home from work, and it’s too hot to spend too much time there at the weekend. This Friday it was very windy, and this, combined with my strategy of: ‘refuse to do anything other than lie under two, not one beach umbrellas’ made sure that despite the 45 degree heat, it was quite bearable. I even actually sunbathed for an hour at 5 pm.

Every now and then we were disturbed by a sea plane landing and taking off (for some reason this made me think of Miami Vice!) and there was even a camel strolling past at one point (imagine my excitement!). But other than that it was a matter of deciding which copy of OK magazine to read next and whether it was too early for wine. (Never too early.) Bliss.

The Big Man – His Legendary Appetite Continues

Those who knew Frank Harvarde will have known of his voracious appetite. No meal was too unusual for him to express a very vocal interest in it. So it was without much surprise that I heard from his new mummy that his latest favourite food is…..spaghetti bolognese – complete with the pasta!

Some of Frank’s favourite foods, in no particular order:


Cheese (actually this was definitely a favourite)
Twiglets
Olives
Lentil soup
Baked beans
Minced pies
Cake, of any form and variety
Bread and butter

Yes, he did have to go on a very strict diet in the end.

Hair today, Ivana tomorrow!

Are you a sadist who likes inflicting pain on people? Do you like to ignore what other people say to you and do exactly as you please? Then you are ideally suited to a career as a hairdresser in Dubai!

As I hadn’t had my hair cut or coloured since May, I have been in dire need of a hair overhaul for some time. Indeed I have actually cancelled four hair appointments here because of working way too late and missing them completely. To the point where the hairdresser refused to take a booking from me!

This led me to walking in to the salon off the street (well, off the souk) yesterday, and asking for an impromptu cut and colour. I partly blame myself for the outcome as I would never take this approach in the UK. Without wishing to sound too precious – hair is important, especially when you’re working and need to give off some semblance of professionalism, and cannot wear a hat.

A brief resume of the conversations (I use this term loosely as it implies two way communication) I had during my 90 minutes in the salon.

Me: I’d like highlights as I have now, two tones, and I like the cut, I’d like it trimmed.
Him: YES MADAM, HIGHLIGHTS.
Me: I can see you’ve only mixed up one colour there and I aksed for two.
Him: YES MADAM, HIGHLIGHTS.
Me: That looks like just bleach to me and not a colour or tint. I asked for two colours.
Him: YES MADAM, HIGHLIGHTS.
Me: (Now completely resigned to not getting what I want) Ok, you’re not putting it on properly, it’s nowhere near my roots.
Him: YES MADAM, HIGHLIGHTS.
Me: (Maybe I can wear a hat. Or headscarf. Well, I am desperate for a colour, how bad can it be)
Cut to an hour later when colour has been removed. It’s very blonde, as I knew it would be. That’s what you get when you have a load of bleach shoved on your head rather than the two tone tint you requested.

Me: I like the length, I’d just like it tidied up please.
Him: YES MADAM, NOT TOO SHORT
Me: That’s quite short.
Him: YES MADAM, NOT TOO SHORT
Me: Really, that’s too short. My hair is too fine to be that short at the front – and I don’t want a fringe.
Him: YES MADAM, NOT TOO SHORT

Then follows a hilarious interlude when he tries to make me put my head upside down whilst he is drying it. It is already the size of a small country and I know that if I do this it will be even bigger.

He sprays virtually an entire can of Ellnett hairspray onto my hair whilst drying it with brushes the size of oil drums. My hair can now be seen from space.

Me: (Frantically trying to smooth it down) My hair is too short and way too big!
Him: WHY YOU FLATTEN IT, BIIIIIG HAIR IS GOOD!

Me: Well, at this point I was running out of the salon, throwing money at them and vowing never to return. My hair is so big it nearly touched the roof of the car.

On arrival back home the boy vowed that it was gorgeous, bless him. But did concede with a smile that it was ‘different to how it normally is’ yes – I don’t normally look like Ivana Trump for god’s sake! I got up to use the toilet in the night and it had flattened a little. I now look like Heather Locklear circa 1980.

RIP Roobarb

I had some sad news that a friend of the four legged variety had passed away last week. Roobarb was a crazy and brave feline who thought nothing of standing up to a certified insane Vimerana 20 times his size, however much she barked at him. He was the coolest cat on the block, for sure. I have no doubt he is giving other canines a lot of grief in animal heaven. And possibly bothering Al's hamster. RIP furry friends.

A full tank of petrol? That will be…..6 quid then…

Ah, the cost of living. Not for nothing had I virtually abandoned using my little Clio when back in the UK. Despite being the motoring equivalent of a hairdryer on wheels, with a petrol tank the size of a hamster’s back-pack, the last time I filled it up at dear old Asda, it cost me the princely sum of nearly 50 quid. Friends with bigger, more powerful, smarter cars are paying 70 quid plus.

So, it’s with a happy heart that I tell you how much it costs me to fill up my rental car here in Dubai. A whole 6 quid! I’m driving a Yaris – not the titchy kind but the family 4 door kind – which I actually didn’t know existed until I got here. So it’s not as if it’s a tiny car. The boy has a 4x4 of epic proportions – it can seat 7 people – and his costs 12 quid to fill.

Before you lambast me for lording this over you, to balance things out, a small-ish one bedroom apartment does cost 20,000 pounds a year to rent. Which you have to pay up-front in two cheques. So the petrol is a very welcome bargain.

It does raise questions about the environment and sustainability. Cars here are so cheap to buy and run, that there is no incentive to keep use of them to a minimum. It is quite common, apparently, for families to have 5 cars. Yes, 5 cars.

Whilst you, dear readers, are worrying about turning the tap of whilst you brush your teeth to conserve the world’s resources, I’m living in a he city, in the middle of the desert. Go figure how much water has to be desalinated every day….

Desert Adventure

It’s amazing how much you can fit into one day off. This Friday we drove to Hatta, about an hour and a half away, just before the checkpoint for the Oman border. It’s a popular destination for visa runs. It’s the perfect way of getting out of Dubai, it really feels like you’re in a different world. After about 20 minutes you are completely in the desert. Beautiful red and gold sand, bizarre shops at the side of the road, and goats, yes goats, running free as you drive past.

We stopped and had lunch at a very sweet hotel, then set off back. Minor near-accident experience when cars in front slammed on their hazard lights (very normal here and done at the drop of a hat even when cars are just slowing down). As we drove by to see what the problem was, the culprits were revealed: two donkeys! Very calmly making their way across the highway. I watched from behind my handbag for fear the fellas would get run over, but they were fine. Very casually strolled across, in their own time.

And, at last, you’ll be delighted to hear, I saw wild camels. Strolling along, happy as you like, minding their own business. As you can imagine I was beside myself with excitement, and finally found a use for our binoculars!

Even more exciting, I discovered this place. Perhaps an alternative to the dog grooming career?!

Mana'ish Day

One of the best parts of living in Dubai is definitely the food. The restaurants here are amazing and usually cheaper than back home. Of course there’s the fancy ones – Gordon Ramsey has a gaff here, as does Gary Rhodes, but my favourites are the more spit and sawdust Lebanese and Turkish places.
Here you can get all manner of gorgeous dips, breads, and salads, more than enough for two people, with left-overs to take home, for less than ten quid.
One of my favourites is a bread called Mana’ish – a folded flat bread filled with cheese, herbs, or spinach. And every Thursday (our Friday) we have Mana’ish Day, where one of our very cool lounge areas is filled with the delicious stuff, and the whole agency piles in and stuffs themselves.
It really does create a lot of excitement – especially for me, as you can imagine. Piles of food! First thing in the morning! Hmmm now I understand what everyone means when they say: watch out for the Dubai stone…..