I got an email today asking for top things that I wish I'd known before I moved to Dubai. There were quite a few people on the circulation list so I thought I'd share the responses. If you live here, these will be all too familiar. Can you guess which ones are mine? I know the fake tan/twiglet references are a bit of a give-away.....
You need 500 passport photos to do anything
You need your passport to do anything
Without a visa you cannot function
Your visa will take 3 months
Your life will therefore be impossible for 3 months
You can have anything delivered to your door
You will pay 5 quid for a bag of twiglets
Fake tan is non existent
Sea snakes are a real menace
Parks are places where you take your whole extended family, and staff to cater for you during your visit
It will take you ten minutes to get into your house/apartment because 25 different people will say hello to you
People in the queue in front of you at Spinney’s will gladly let the poor checkout girl pack their bags whilst they look on doing nothing
If it’s not the world’s biggest, best, first or fastest, we’re not interested
No 5 star hotel in the UK will ever quite measure up
Marks and Spencer doesn’t sell food
Be prepared for the total hassle of getting a driving licence
That when people phone you and you say’ hello’ , they say ‘hello’ and so you say ‘hello’.........wtf?!
The Gold & Diamond Park is cheaper than the Gold Souk – by far!
That a joint account with your husband isn’t really a joint account – I can put money in but I can’t take money out....because I’m just the ‘wife”!!
I wish I’d discovered the tailors in Satwa earlier than I did
I wish I’d discovered the handbag shops in Karama earlier than I did
That, even though we can plan Easter years in advance, over here we have to wait for some guy to crawl out from his tent and spot the moon before we get the official notification of Eid
That, whilst driving, indication means you are going to change lanes, irrespective of whether another car is in that lane or not
That ‘inshalla’ is the excuse for everything!
That ‘I’ll call you back’ is a bigger lie than ‘the cheque is in the post’
You need your passport to do anything
Without a visa you cannot function
Your visa will take 3 months
Your life will therefore be impossible for 3 months
You can have anything delivered to your door
You will pay 5 quid for a bag of twiglets
Fake tan is non existent
Sea snakes are a real menace
Parks are places where you take your whole extended family, and staff to cater for you during your visit
It will take you ten minutes to get into your house/apartment because 25 different people will say hello to you
People in the queue in front of you at Spinney’s will gladly let the poor checkout girl pack their bags whilst they look on doing nothing
If it’s not the world’s biggest, best, first or fastest, we’re not interested
No 5 star hotel in the UK will ever quite measure up
Marks and Spencer doesn’t sell food
Be prepared for the total hassle of getting a driving licence
That when people phone you and you say’ hello’ , they say ‘hello’ and so you say ‘hello’.........wtf?!
The Gold & Diamond Park is cheaper than the Gold Souk – by far!
That a joint account with your husband isn’t really a joint account – I can put money in but I can’t take money out....because I’m just the ‘wife”!!
I wish I’d discovered the tailors in Satwa earlier than I did
I wish I’d discovered the handbag shops in Karama earlier than I did
That, even though we can plan Easter years in advance, over here we have to wait for some guy to crawl out from his tent and spot the moon before we get the official notification of Eid
That, whilst driving, indication means you are going to change lanes, irrespective of whether another car is in that lane or not
That ‘inshalla’ is the excuse for everything!
That ‘I’ll call you back’ is a bigger lie than ‘the cheque is in the post’
One for the girls only:They whip your pants off completely when you have a bikini wax and get VERY close to your lady bits!
2 comments:
I would add:
Dodging truck tire debris on the highway while driving 140km/h is kinda like a video game.
Tolerance for various body odors never really improves.
Like grisly bears, Emiratis are likely more scared of you than you are of them.
Friday mornings are the best time to drive through Sharjah.
Time is warped by the heat. Days can feel like years and years go by in seconds.
buying your first car - including the financing and registration – is like some right of passage ceremony . if you've done it and survived with only a large tourette attack you've arrived
brunches in dubai are like nowhere else in the world - basically just badly disguised debauchery and will result in anything from insulting policemen on the beach for disturbing you shagging to a serious headache next day (or both)
your alcohol consumption will increase dramatically when you live here
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