Dating in Dubai: Chapter Two: Things That Are Perfectly Normal in The Twilight Zone

If you're a single gal thinking of moving to Dubai, or you're happily ensconsed in a relationship and just wondering what life is like out there when you're unattached, here are some guidlines accumulated with the help of my friends.

Small-World Syndrome
As Dubai is so small, you may discover that the cute guy that you gave your number to/were exceptionally rude to on Friday night works in your office building. Or lives in your apartment building.  And who suddenly is always at your pool. Or in your lift. Or at the table next to you when you're on a work lunch.  Slap on the mirrored aviators and play dumb, ladies.

Stalker Alert
I mentioned that Dubai is small, right? This means that when you get talking to new people, they will inevitably know people that you currently work with/used to work with/have just interviewed. 

Slightly more terrifyingly, they may also comeout with gems such as: "I know you, you used to live at xxx.  I used to see you at the pool there.  You've moved recently, haven't you.  You now you live at xxx."

Or my personal stalker favourite: " I saw you in Sho Chos last year.  You were with my friend xxx."  This is despite never having seen or spoken to this person before.  So you had a good look at me, didn't approach me, but stored that away FOR A WHOLE YEAR????!

No Date
You may find that you never actually get to go on a date.  As PDA's are famously frowned upon in Dubai, there's none of the traditional going out for drinks and then having a quick snog in a darkened corner.  There are a few clubs where you can get away with this but nowhere that you'd go for a civilised date/drink.  If you so much as want to have a quick snog at the end of thenight, you have to either fancy your chances of risking deportation, or go back to theirs 'for one last drink'. 

And sometimes you just decide to cut out the middle man and stay in. Or go to theirs. Whatever.  It's a frequent lament of my female friends that you're forced to go to the effort/inconvenience of schlepping to someone's house just for a smooch. 

One friend has seen more of her latest squeeze 'Hot Boy' or 'HB' for short than the photographer who took his photos when he modelled naked for Calvin Klein, yet has never been out for dinner with him/seen him outside her apartment.  As she says: "What's the point, when it's only going to end one way? I might as well cut to the chase - I'm a busy woman!"

Brace Yourself
When you do move things into the bedroom, you may discover all or any of the following actions are now common parlance: spanking/biting/crying (see previous post)/suggesting a threesome.  I'm no prude, but boys, come on!  Where's the chivalry?

Perhaps these issues are not just unique to Dubai?  Readers, help me out.