31 Days of Sobriety

Hello, old friend...

No judgement, no superiority, no smugness, just a few things you notice when you stop drinking for ONE WHOLE MONTH:

Non-Alcoholic Drinks Can Bore Off

What do you drink if you’re out and you’re not drinking grape? I’m not a soft drink lover (with the occasional exception of ginger ale – yes, I am 90) and not a massive fan of imbibing pints of liquid at the best of times.  Which leads me onto….

Bar Staff in Dubai Have Never Heard of Lime and Soda

Honestly, try asking for this in a bar. At best you will get a glass of soda water with a cursory bit or lime – or lemon – thrown in. At worst you will get a half pint of cider. Yes, CIDER. Shudder.

You Don’t Need Water by the Bed

The usual routine of the pint glass of water at the end of the night is rendered obsolete. Obviously if the house was burning down it might come in handy, but when retiring to bed sober, there is no rapacious need for cold, delicious aqua at 4 am.

(At the start of the month) You Question Your Mother Potential

"How do women give up wine for nine months?" you  ask yourself, whilst looking anxiously over your shoulder for social services.

(Towards the end of the month) You Start To Consider a Life of Zero Alcohol

Once through the initial shock of not reaching for the juice box when you fall through the door from work, and have settled into a level of calm resignation, crazy thoughts occur to you such as:

·         “Maybe I could be sober ALL THE TIME?”

·         “Is this what Russell Brand feels like?”

·         “Perhaps I could live in Saudi after all.”

There were more observations but I'm too busy reaching for the fizz to type them....