Britney's Top Travel Tips

Glamour at all times, people

I’m back! Did you miss me? Technically I’ve been back for ages – well almost two weeks now, so it feels like I’ve never been away. Australia was a whirl of fabulosity and great friends, interspersed with a wonderful wedding.

Before I got there, there was just the matter of the 14 hour plane journey to get out of the way. Even the taxi driver winced sympathetically as I merrily chirped out the flight time to him. “Very far madam,” he proclaimed. “Too much far,” I agreed. 

But here’s the thing: when you love to travel as much as I do, I am so giddy to get to my destination that even 14 hours does not faze me. In fact I’m annoyingly happy boarding, during, and when disembarking. And living in Dubai means that I am always the giddiest of the giddy to get back home. I fair skipped down the stairs as we skidded to a halt on Dubai tarmac.  And in shock news: this time, I slept! On the plane! Me, who struggles to sleep in a bed!

It's only fair that I spread my joy to you lovely readers, so here are my top tips for surviving long-haul flights around the world:

Fly Emirates Whenever Possible

I’ve travelled on cheap airlines and premium – including Singapore Airlines, which has been awarded best airline. It’s categorically not in my opinion. Once you’ve flown Emirates you’re completely spoiled by the staff, the food, the comfort, the generous wine pouring, the entertainment. And no, I don’t work for them!

Order a ‘Special’ Meal

Any meal will do – veggie, low sodium – my personal favourite is low calorie  as it’s usually a piece of chicken and ruit for desert. Why do I do this? Simple: your meal emerges first. No waiting for the trolley to come round, no rubbish meal options. You get to trough your food AT LEAST twenty mins before everyone else. Which means that when the hoi polloi are stuck in their seats with their trays, you can nip to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and get settled down for a snooze. Which brings me onto….

Invest in a Fleecy Snoozer

What is this, I hear you cry?! Basically, get involved in an inflatable pillow. I discovered this joy last year, and cannot believe I’ve waited 21 years (ahem) without using one when I travel. Yes, you look like a complete idiot whilst wearing it, but who cares when you’ve drifted gently off into the land of nod?! Which brings me onto….

Invest in a Sleep Mask AND Ear Plugs

This is a usual situation for me even when in a bed, and I cannot stress enough the effect that ear plugs have on helping me to sleep. Newsflash: planes are LOUD! Until you’ve popped an ear plug in, you don’t realize just how loud. 

Always Ask for Two

This is where wine is concerned. Ignore the judgmental stares of the people sat near to you and gently and kindly whisper to the stewardess “Could I possibly have two white wines? Saves you time coming back to me later.” They always oblige, without question and with a smile. Everyone wins.

Visit the Pharmacy Prior to Travel (For Dubai dwellers only)

Dubai never ceases to amaze me when it comes to pharmacies. Most drugs that are prescription only in the UK are OTC here. And when you ask for travel sickness tablets, they give you these. Not only do they stop you feeling sick, they also send you STRAIGHT off to sleep when combined with a vino. It is a tricky balancing act – if you have them too early before getting on the plane you may not make it to your seat. Take them too late after you board and you have to wait to drop off. But drop off you do. 

So there you have it. Follow these tips and you are guaranteed a joyful flight. Obviously this applies to economy. If you’re in business then all of the above applies bar ordering the special meal – Emirates Business food is DELISH and a la carte. These tips also assume you are not travelling with children. If you are then you may wish to go heavier on the wine (you) and heavier on the sleeping tablets (them).

Happy Travels!

Seeing the World...

Striking a Palestinian Pose..

I’m back from the most amazing, inspiring and thought-provoking trip to Palestine.  I can’t believe how lucky I am to have experienced it.  This got me casting my mind back over all the amazing trips I’ve had in the last three and a half years.  Some come to Dubai for a job, a tax free salary, the sunshine (hello!) but for me one of the biggest reasons was: to see the world.  And I think it’s safe to say I’ve certainly seen a lot of it whilst I’ve been here.  Drum roll:

• Sri Lanka
• India (twice) Kochin, Kerala, Allepey
• Africa – Nairobi and Kenya
• Jordan – Amman (twice) and Petra
• Nepal
• Singapore
• Bali
• Syria – Damascus
• Lebanon – Beirut (twice)
• Qatar (too many times)
• Oman (many many times)
• Egypt - Cairo and Sharm El Sheikh
• Palestine
• Canada
• USA
• Amsterdam (twice)
• Paris
• Barcelona

Of course I’ve spent lots of time in the other Emirates too: Al Ain, Fujeirah, Ras Al Khaimah, Abu Dhabi (way too much time here).

Due to the UAE labour laws which state that you can’t take any holiday in your first year of a job (no, really) I’ve packed a lot of this into a relatively short amount of time.  We’re blessed with a number of long bank holidays here so much of the travel has been squeezed into these.  There are so many reasons why I love living in Dubai and this list is the result of one of them.  The next trip?   I’ll have to consult the world map in the lounge and come back to you!

We’re not in Kansas any More….

Not me, honest....

Ok, I’ll just come out and say it, I’ve lived in Dubai for three years, and I expect  a certain standard of living.  Call me pampered, call me a princess: I’m past caring.  For those Dubai dwellers who see fit to leave our fair city and visit Europe, here’s the Britney of Arabia helpful guide to what you can expect:

• Public toilets: you have to dispense your own soap (It’s not electronic.)  And you have to dry your hands on rough bits of tissue – where are the lovely fluffy hand towels?
• Pavements: not only do these exist, they are covered in dog shit.  Be very careful where you walk.
• Taxis: You will be told by the stern taxi driver to put your seat belt on. But by then you may have passed out from heat stroke caused by the excessive heat fans that are blasting at you.
• Hotel rooms: As above, these will also be excessively hot.  They will also not feature fluffy robes or complimentary slippers.  The complimentary toiletries will be cheap and nasty and make your hair look like a dandelion (not sure what I was thinking using them.) They will not be worth purloining to take home with you.
• Room service: This will be limited to an A5 sheet of 6 items.  The cheapest salad will be 20 euros (and you thought Dubai was expensive). On the plus side, you can open the windows to let in the bracing fresh air.  The staff will then try to close this every time they enter your room.  Persist in opening them, it’s worth it.
• Dubai: When people hear that you live in Dubai, they will want to ask you nine million questions about it.  These revolve around: living in expensive houses, going to the beach every weekend, and living the high life. When you confirm that yes, this is all true, and that Dubai is just as fabulous as they think, and then some more, try not to look too smug.  Also, do not gush about the reasons why you left the UK: the shit weather, the pessimism, the 40% tax.  They will look gutted and you will sound like a twat.
• Visits home: Likewise, people will ask you how often you visit the UK.  Don’t say ‘Once a year, and to be honest after 3 years and only two friends making the effort to visit me, I’m starting to think I won’t bother going back any more.”  They will think you are a sociopath.
• Airline: If you have to fly on anyone other than Emirates: brace yourself.  They won’t: mist the cabin with lovely smelling perfume before take-off, serve you delicious food, offer a wide variety of free-flowing wine, have decent entertainment systems, or have beautiful stewardesses with perfectly applied make-up.  They will bark at you like rabid dogs and fling inedible mush at you.  The seats will also be so small that you will consider a new job in the circus when you disembark the plane.

 I could go on, but I shan’t. I fear that the European Tourist Board may come after me.  Let’s just say I said a silent prayer of thanks as I flung myself into Dubai Airport….

We Heart Singapore

I'm back! Did you miss me?  I'm currently reeling from too little sleep (not sure if it's actually jet lag.  More likely flying through the night and availing ourselves of a bit too much free wine) and adjusting to being thrown right back in the deep end where work is concerned.  Anyway, let's get onto the trip.  It will probably be the subject of a few blog posts, such was the hilarity and variety of what we encountered whilst away. Let's start with Singapore, shall we?

I'm going to assume that you haven't been - if you have - this may bore you. In a nutshell, I LOVED Singapore!!!!!  Reasons why:

• It's a solid 30-35 degrees, all year round, with lots of sunshine and blue skies. It was actually scorching whilst we were there.  Yes, it does rain, and it's very humid, but the great weather means that you have the outdoor lifestyle all year round, not for only half the year like you do in Dubai.  Hello roof top bars, hello strolling the streets..which brings me onto my next point:
• You can walk everywhere.  It's a proper city, with (shock) pavements, walkways, it's all designed for the pedestrian.  We spent many happy hours walking around just absorbing the vibes and the personality of the place.  Which brings me onto my next point:
• Singapore is COOL.  What do I mean?  Everyone looks good, not in an anodyne, labelled-up kind of way, more in a cool sneakers and unusual jeans, interesting make-up and hair kind of way.   It feels a bit like New York. Which brings me onto my next point:
• It has a big city feel and vibe.  There's something in the air that's palpable.   And it's hard to ignore.  It's such an interesting mix of cultures and people.  Which brings me onto my next point:
• It's very multi-cultural, just like Dubai.  We saw all nationalities working and living together in one melting pot.  And there's something fascinating about that for me. Which brings me onto my next point:
• It's a very cultural place.  Not only do huge modern skyscrapers jostle for space next to older areas like Arab Street and Little India, there's art galleries, a symphony orchestra.  The cultural section of Singapore's Time Out goes on for pages and pages, not like the paltry efforts of Dubai's.
• And my last, but very important point: it has BEACHES.  Yes, head to the beautiful Sentosa Island for the day and you'll see Singapore's bright young things kicking back in lush beach clubs and cool bars.

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not knocking Dubai.  Anyone who knows me knows just how much I love this city and the Middle East.  We all squeaked with excitement when the plane touched down here, and I spent the afternoon of my first day back mooching around one of my favourite parts of the city: the creek.  It's just that as an ex-pat,living in an autocratic city where your whole life revolves around a visa that is to a large extent out of your control, you never really know how long you'll stay.  I'm nowhere near done with Dubai.  But I think I may have found the answer to: where next?

Where in The World?

The next adventure is booked: in November I’ll be jetting off to Singapore, and then onto Bali. If you know me you’ll know that my hunger for world-exploration has gone up about ten notches since I moved to Dubai – and it was pretty high before I got here. The top list of places I want to visit (in order of preference) are:

Singapore/Bali (tick)
Hong Kong
Tokyo
Vegas (probably unlikely due to distance but if accessible from Tokyo then all over it)
Capetown
Vietnam
Maldives

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable list and I’d quite like to cross Hong Kong off before the end of the year – we have another public holiday coming up in December which would make it feasible.

Thankfully my desert family is also like rats up drainpipes where this list is concerned. We all have a slightly different list but with some common denominators.

This has all been made much more fun (honestly) by the procurement of a giant world map, the likes of which I haven’t seen since geography lessons in secondary school. And speaking of which, despite getting an A in GCSE geography, I have learned that I haven’t a clue where anything in the world is!

When I told a colleague I was going to Bali he asked: “Why don’t you do Australia at the same time?” I thought this was a ludicrous question and said so. He gently explained that Bali is…right next to Australia. Who knew!? And don’t even get me started on the fact that I thought Vietnam was only a 3 hour flight away. I’ll get my coat.

We spent a hilarious ten minutes scouring the map the other night at M’s, with much wine-fuelled exclamations: “Oh, so that’s where Hawaii/Beijing/Mauritius/Vietnam etc etc is.” Well, there’s only one way to truly know your way around a world map, and that’s to jump on a plane and see as much of it as possible. Watch this space.

To Yemen, or Not to Yemen?

Am considering a weekend trip to Yemen. If you've never heard of the place (the reference in Friends doesn't count) it's only a hop, skip and a jump from Dubai. And very cheap to get to you. Though of course it's the cultural diversity I'm interested in.

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office has this to say in terms of travel advice:

"We advise against all but essential travel to Yemen due to the threat of terrorism and tribal violence. You should take all necessary steps to protect your safety; this includes having confidence in your personal security arrangements.

There is a high threat from terrorism in Yemen including against Western, and British, interests. You should avoid places frequented by expatriates and foreign travellers, including in Sana'a and other urban centres. On 18 March 2009 there was an attempted suicide attack on the airport road in Sana'a. Also on 15 March 2009 a group of South Korean nationals were attacked at Shibam in Hadramaut Governorate. Four South Koreans are known to have died. At least 17 people were killed in a terrorist attack on the US Embassy in Sana'a on 17 September, including six terrorists. We believe that terrorists continue to plan attacks."

Friendly, eh? Mind you, they advise against travel to a) The Middle East (when I of course live here) and b) Sri Lanka, which I visited without incident only last week.

Hmmm.

A Few Photos of Paradise

A Perfect Holiday

Fresh back from the most blissful week in Sri Lanka. If you’ve never been – well, it’s just the most amazing place in the world. I’ll admit to being a little trepidacious before setting off – if one more person said to me: “You know, there’s a war on there”, but all that hullabaloo is far, far away from the rest of the island and anywhere that I was visiting.

Where to start? Well things got off to a fabulous start when I was upgraded to Business Class on the flight over. I’ve always wondered how this happens – in this instance I suspect it may be because I was the only woman on the plane (no, really) and one of only 4 western travellers – and the other three all got bumped to business too. I did start to wonder if I should be morally outraged by this, but to be honest I was too busy enjoying the great leg-room, super-comfy seats and free-flowing champagne to dwell on it.

I arrived at 6 in the morning and was met by my lovely driver Shosha. What a cool guy! A Sri Lankan native who knew the roads like the back of his hand and was a great guide. First stop: Piniwela Elephant Orphanage. Despite having had no sleep for about 36 hours by the time we arrived, nothing could dampen my excitement. Elephants rock, it’s as simple as that. And they have quite a tight schedule, by all accounts. First up is feeding. Then they all troupe down a hill (crossing a road and walking past shops, no less) and spend a couple of hours messing about in the nearby river. And they do this twice a day.

Amazing to get so close to them – I was actually surprised by how nervous I got – they are, needless to say – enormous. And the sheer brute power of them…..very impressive. I bought a bag of bananas to feed them (Shosha found this hilarious and informed me that for what I paid (about 5p) I could have bought a kilo in a market. Hey ho. I fed a friendly looking chap the bag (he was pretty enthusiastic, I have to say) and had the obligatory photo taken. I was very excited. Then we stayed and relaxed on the rocks and just watched the elephants having a generally great time. There was a lot of trumpeting, water throwing, and lazing in the water. Some had a bit of scrub from the keepers. By the end I was fantasizing about chucking it all in and devoting my life to this very simple existence. I resisted the urge to shout out: “ I was once a zoo-keeper for the day, don’t you know!”

The rest of the day was spent visiting various places off the beaten track – I strongly suspect that a lot of these places were run by Shosha’s friends, and he was doing them favour by taking me to them. Still, seeing as most things cost about 2 quid, I really didn’t mind, and did by a few bits and pieces as we went round.

One stop: a tea factory/plantation. Now, I like tea (Earl Grey only, thank you very much), and it is a fascinating process watching it turn from green bits of bush into proper, drinkable tea, but I wasn’t prepared for the stench of the wet tea as it dried – absolutely foul! It may have also been the fact that it was about 35 degrees at this stage ad nowhere seemed to have any AC. At one point I did think that nausea was going to overwhelm me to the point of actually vomiting, but thankfully I held it together. I didn’t think that it would really have been appropriate to gip into a crate of freshly dried tea……

By this point I was dead on my feet and begged for mercy. Mercy came in the form of a divine guest house called Serendip. Perched above a river deep in the hills it was absolutely beautiful. I was the only person staying there apart from the owner’s son – Julian – who just happed to be 6 foot 4, mid-twenties, and a dead ringer for the cute one from Entourage. Sometimes the universe really is just too good…..

After an hour’s shut eye, which I was woken from by the sound of cows in the garden (no, really) it was off for more adventure. This time into the town of Kandy for a ‘Cultural Show’ which involved going into what would be the equivalent of a village hall, where locals performed a variety of dances. It was unintentionally hilarious – think a combination of Britain’s Got Talent, and one of Jayne Leggatt’s amazing am dram performances! Then, (because really, who needs sleep, toughen up!) it was off to a Buddhist temple where another lovely guide took me round and explained all the various parts to me. The oddest part: walking in, the guide pointed to the sky, and said: “Look, Birds.”

Me: “Yes, birds, lovely.” (Seen one bird seen them all, but I do like to maintain my manners.”
Guide: “No madam, birds.”
Me: “Yes, birds, lovely.” (What is he on about.)
Guide: “No Madam, BATS.”
Me: “GULP. Yes, BATS, I see.” Hurl!

And not just any bats – but elephant bats. Not sure exactly what this means, but suffice to say, they were absolutely HUGE. ENORMOUS. Anyway, we scuttled inside and I spent an hour or so umming and ahhing at what I hope were the right points. I’ve never been into a Buddhist temple before. It was packed.

Finally, it was home time, with a gorgeous dinner, g and t, and, at last, bed. But not before I’d sauntered into my bathroom to find THE most enormous spider I have ever seen, clinging to the wall. Cue much shrieking from me, after which the three staff entered the bathroom at speed to dispose of said arachnid. They were in there for a good 5 minutes or so during which I hug around feeling like a bit of a tit, I have to say. I had visions of them wrestling it to the ground in turns. Or they may have just been wearing my underwear as headgear, who knows. They emerged victorious and it was finally sleep time for me. Phew.

Next day was a four hour car journey down to the South West coast and the final destination. On the way we stopped at: a Batik Factory, Wood Carving Factory (I used the word ‘factory’ very loosely), and a ridiculously high viewing point which gave a great view over the hills. We also had a couple of lunch/washroom breaks. Driving in Sri Lanka, I had been told, is not for the faint-hearted – well after living and driving in Dubai for the last 11 months, I laughed in the face of this so-called terrifying driving. At no point did the car get over 60 km an hour. I explained to Shosha that when driving to Abu Dhabi, 140 plus an hour is the norm – he found this absolutely fascinating.

Eventually we arrived at the final destination – Sri Villas. Words can’t really do the place justice. It’s three villas, right on their own private beach. They come with a chef, housekeeper, and three houseboys. The chef and the housekeeper have obvious roles, the houseboys’ job seemed to be to anticipate what you wanted, before you even knew you wanted it. This meant that each morning a sunbed was carried down to the beach for me, glasses of homemade lemonade appeared miraculously at my side after a swim, along with a fresh towel, and g and t’s/glasses of wine appeared as the sun set each evening. Utterly divine. Each morning the housekeeper gave menu options for the day ahead (salads, seafood, all yum) and then went out to the local market to buy the stuff. She then presented me with a bill at the end – and it was v v cheap. Not only an amazing experience but a bargain to boot. I’m already trying to work out when I can make a repeat visit.

Sadly I didn’t get upgraded on the return flight, but as I was in a frenzy of “Eve Alexander’ excitement, this didn’t matter a jot. More updates on our fun-filled weekend to follow!

In the meantime – get yourself to Sri Lanka for a holiday, if you can. You won’t regret it.

A Much Needed Break

I'm off to Sri Lanka this Thursday night. Yes, I know there's a war on. I've been assured that it is far, far away from where I'm going, and is the geographical equivalent of unrest in the Outer Hebrides when you're down in London. Fingers crossed on that one.....
It's been a long time since I've had a proper break, so as you can imagine, excitement is at fever pitch. This is where I'm staying, looks good, non?
The villa comes with a private housekeeper, chef, and yoga teacher. The chef consults with you each day to see what you'd like to eat - and your wish is his command. Yum!
I will of course keep you updated on my return.....