Annoying things people say when you have a baby: 'Sleep when the Baby Sleeps'

Yeah right!

Ah, there is nothing more homicide inducing than this phrase. 

It seems so simple, doesn't it? So obvious?

It conjures up images of your little bundle snoozing happily, whilst you snuggle up next to them. You drift into delicious, glorious sleep together, breathing as one. You do this, on and off, throughout the day, so you feel constantly refreshed, not at all sleep deprived. In fact, you hardly notice you've had a baby at all!

Just one small problem here: this advice assumes you have a baby THAT SLEEPS IN THE DAY.

I didn't.

The beady-eyed tiny tyrant simply refused.

Oh I tried everything. I shushed, I soothed, I 'placed the baby firmly down', I begged, I pleaded. Still nothing. One day I actually walked around the house with my sleep mask attached to my head, so eager was I to really get on board with this advice. I was ready, at a moment's notice, to drop onto the floor, in manner of bootcamp, but instead of doing press-ups, just press-downs, and sleep. Even if that meant face planting the kitchen floor.

That was the day that Baby Britney (BB) stayed wake for ELEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT. I kid you not. That's not even possible according to medical experts. Ha! We laugh in the face of medical experts here! Sleep is for losers.

As BB got older, she has started to nap a little in the day. But we're talking 20 minutes at a time, and this was at 15 weeks old. I don't know about you, but it takes me at least 20 minutes to drop off, even when exhausted. That means that just as you are drifting off, you are woken by a screaming tiny tyrant in your ear hole. Try this every day for 15 weeks, it really is an absolute treat. If anyone had told me before I had a baby that I'd be crying and dry-heaving into a sink through tiredness, I would have thought them a gross over-exagerator. Now I understand.

So do be careful if you're tempted to trill this in the face of a new mother. She may just muster up the energy to strangle you.