Perpetuating the Stereotypes...

The picture of decorum..honest!

This article is doing the rounds at the moment, and causing quite a stir amongst those living in Dubai.  As usual A.A Gill has come out with some absolute corkers and I'm very happy to say that I don't recognise the Dubai that he rants about.  In the main I eschew the usual ex-pat haunts and activities and try to avoid places where there's a whiff of Wetherspoons in the air.  There are two points that I will give him, and you will see evidence of, if you do stray into an aforementioned ex-pat haunt:

"Young, single, greedy, and insincere. None of them are very clever. So they live lives that revolve around drink and porn sex and pool parties and barbecues with a lot of hysterical laughing and theme nights, karaoke, and slobbery, regretful coupling."

"British, loud and drunk, dressed in their tarty party gear. The girls, raucous and provocative, have fat thighs that wobble in tiny frocks. Cantilevered bosoms lurch. The boys, spiky and gelled, glassy-eyed and leering."

Karaoke.  Check. (Why??!!) Fat Girls in inappropriate outfits.  Check.  Boobs hanging out. Check.  Welcome to Dubai!  Although, to be fair, this could equally apply to any city in the UK.  The problem is, I don't want to live in the UK.

It reminds me of a chat I had with a lovely American man last week in one such ex-pat haunt.  We politely went thorough the usual pleasantries, and then got onto "do you come here often?"  I explained  that I didn't, and had only been 4 times.  Once was a first date (he chose the location) and the subsequent 3 times were again, not my choice. "Really???" he exclaimed.  "My girlfriend (British) loves it in here."  Then I dropped the real bombshell: I brunch but twice a year, and it's only ever at the polo..a civilised affair which is really lunch with horses as far as I'm concerned.  This nearly floored him.  "My girlfriend is always brunching, she loves it.  You're the first person I've ever met in Dubai who doesn't."  I quickly introduced him to the other four people who don't either. He then leaned in towards me conspiratorially: "To be honest, I can't stand brunches and I really don't understand her fascination with them. I only go to keep her happy." (Good man.)

A.A Gill: such a shame you didn't scratch beneath this shallow facade, but then ever since you wrote THAT article about Manchester, I expected nothing more...

What a Year!

I’m reading Chris Evans’s autobiography at the moment, and he prefaces each chapter with a Top Ten. And given that we’re nearing the end of a decade, it’s not a bad way to summarise the year.

Here’s mine for 2009...and I have to say - it wasn't easy just picking 10 highlights.  It's been an interesting year.  Started with a bit of a bump and then turned into nothing short of awesome.  I'm already very excited for 2010...

10. Bingo. No, really. For one short month we discovered, and loved, bingo. The fact that this was combined with half price wine and food was just a happy coincidence. Bingo, we miss you.
9. Ramadan. I actually got to work slightly shorter hours this year which meant much more time for socializing, and the gym. And Ramadan does of course, mean Iftars…
8. Chi. It has to be the world’s cheesiest club, but I’ve had more hilarious nights out here than I care to admit. Having the lovely Harris just a hop skip and a jump away in Oman has meant many many lost weekends in there. Thank god my mum isn’t on Facebook to see the photographic evidence.
7. Sri Lanka. One of the most gorgeous places in the world. Private villa on the beach, with chef, yoga teacher and houseboys attending to my every whim. I don’t need complete luxury like this, honestly, I’m actually very easily pleased…..
6. Saturday Sundowners. It’s a tradition as old as time itself…well if you live in a sundrenched country I guess. Before gearing up for a hard week at work there’s nothing like sinking your toes into the sand/propping up a bar watching the sun set, in a sun dress and shades.
5. Beach Club. A Friday ritual. We spend a great deal of time comparing notes on which is our favourite, but really, there’s not much in it. Luxurious sun-loungers, delicious food, wine on tap, oh, and sun, sea and blue skies. Throw in great company and a stack of celebrity magazines, and you have the perfect recipe for lazy day off. However hard the week has been, and they can be tough, it’s hard to say stressed when floating in the sea looking back at the insane and beautiful skyline of Dubai.
4. Beirut. If the Sun had written a headline to describe that trip, it would have to be: Busty Blonde Brit Babes Cause Bedlam. A hilarious riotous adventure from start to finish. If I’m having a bad day a sneaky peep at the photos cheers me right up. And normally results in loud guffawing.
3. Family – in Dubai and the UK…The Dubai Family. It’s been said before, but really, I’m blessed to have found some really wonderful friends here…you all know who you are….The UK Family. Laydeeeees! And some gents….You’re out of sight but never out of mind. Your emails, texts and phone calls make me laugh, cry and miss you even more. You’re always welcome here for visits…
2. Safari. The most amazing trip, ever. Animals, scenery, people, company. Bliss.
1. Christmas. Spending time with the people that you love, in a place that you love…what’s not to love?!

The Infamous Brunch.....

Brunch. Such an innocuous word. Before I came to Dubai it conjured up images of a good old English fry-up, usually on a Sunday, with friends dissecting the antics of the night before. It took about an hour or so in one of Manchester's many cafes and greasy spoons.

Now, well. Brunch has a whole different meaning since the infamous beach incident here (see my previous posts). Lots of braying ex-pats draped in streamers drinking straight from the bottle and dancing on tables.

My reasons for bringing up these pre-conceptions....well, we went for brunch this Friday. But before you jump to the wrong conclusion, if the brunch you had imagined was as above, (let's call it the Ford Focus of brunches) you're wrong. We went to the Bentley of brunches, at Nineteen, a restaurant within the most stunning golf club. And I don't like golf.

The golf club in itself is a marvel; so much greenery, in the desert! The restaurant was divine. Quite intimate, dark wood and very grown up. In a refined, not boring way. If the Lowry did brunches then this is what they would be like.

So much food to choose from, and all in little taster dishes so you could try everything. A salad station (and if you can't choose from the hundreds pre-prepared, the chef will create one especially for you, naturally), a cheese/deli station, a seafood station with fresh fish, shellfish, sushi, and then an a la carte main course which you choose from an actual menu.

The food was divine, the service was wonderful, the atmosphere was just right. Free flowing wine, beer and cocktails for three hours, and yet everyone managed to get just the right side of 'refreshed'. No one danced on tables, or performed any indecent acts. Perfect!

I really can't understand why no-one has thought of introducing the brunch concept to England. Then I think of Brits abroad and it makes sense....

Setting the Record Straight

Judging by the amount of texts and emails I’ve had in recent weeks, everyone in the UK has heard about a young lady called Michelle and an, ahem, indiscretion on a Dubai beach. As I’ve had virtually no free time since I’ve been here to keep up with news in the UK, this article came as a bit of a shock to me when I finally got on-line to see what’s been going on back home.

I have to say this Daily Mail article in particularly (why am I surprised) had me in total shock. I fit a lot of their generalizations – I’m early thirties, work in pr, new to Dubai. But I can honestly say that my life is nothing like the one that is described here – nor is that typical of anyone that I work with or have met so far in the six weeks since I arrived. I’ve been for a couple of these infamous brunches but they have been civilized affairs and more about catching up with people after a very long working week (I worked a 70 hour week last week) and relaxing. Not a binge/booze frenzy at all.

In the main I don’t go out much here nearly as much as I might like, or used to in Manchester – I’m working so much I have no time to and am too exhausted for most of the week.

And in terms of ex-pats not immersing themselves in the culture here, everyone I know has been to visit the Jumeirah mosque which explains more about Islam and it’s background and belief system. I love the melting pot of all cultures here – the advance of Ramadan in September is completely fascinating.

This very sensationalized view no doubt sells papers – much moreso than: ‘well there are some people who over-do it but they are a small minority’, but I still think this is very sad and sloppy journalism. Shame on you Daily Mail.

More Cheese, Please!

Brunch is, I am learning, an institution in Dubai. Not for Dubai a simple coffee and fry up mid-morning. No, these are lavish all-day affairs with tables laden with food and free-flowing champagne. I’m beginning to understand why everyone warns you about the ‘Dubai Stone’ when you arrive here. A combination of fine food, wine, and not much physical activity (you can’t walk anywhere and you’re too tired to go to the gym when you get in from work at 8 pm!) can lead to a pesky extra stone that’s hard to shift.

Anyway, we had our first brunch experience this weekend. A slightly more restrained affair than some of the all-dayers, this was from 6-9 in the lovely Qamardeen Hotel (incidentally walking distance from our new flat, hurrah!) And, the brunch was themed – around cheese! Unlimited wine and cheese for 3 hour s- my idea of heaven. My arteries’ idea of imminent death.

A very civilised way to spend a day off, and just long enough not to completely ruin your next day off. Which I spent having a back and shoulder massage at the Shangri-la Spa. If this sounds too decadent I did manage to fit in two trips to the gym, and next weekend is likely to be spent doing very dull ‘moving-into-the-new-flat’ type jobs. That’s my justification!