Things That Go Bump in the Night

Pray this never happens to you

Sleep.  Not something that has come easily to me over the years; whether it's not being able to, not getting enough, or being woken from it by blood-curdling nightmares.  That said, my new dreamy dreamy bed has massively improved things on that front!

For one rather scary period of my life, sleep also potentially meant something else: sleepwalking.  I was reminded of this today when the office started discussing 'stupid things you've done when drunk.'  To be fair to me, I did discover that the alcohol wasn't what was causing the sleepwalking at all, although it was the first thing that crossed my mind.

If you go and tell the doctor that you've suddenly started sleepwalking, they take you very seriously.  Did you know that sudden onset sleepwalking can be a sign of epilepsy?  Neither did I.  But the tests proved negative.  Turns out it's also your brain's reaction to incredibly stressful situations.  It basically 'forgets' to press the off-switch on your body whilst you sleep, which means that all the usual experiences that you might have when in REM sleep are no longer only in your head, but being lived out, quite literally, by your body.

I had some pretty upsettng health problems at the time, and my lovely little brain just couldn't deal with it all.  Sleepwalking incidents inlcuded waking up on friends' landings, on their stairs, or in their kitchens.  But I kept the best for a trip overseas.

During a work Christmas party in Dublin, my work colleagues found me sleepwalking through the hotel, just as I was about to reach the lobby, two steps from the front door to the street.  The stuff that nightmares are made of.  And it gets worse.  I was completely naked.  No, really.

I'm sure that some of my lovely friends who were on the trip are reading this: you know who you are.  Thank you for rescuing me, wrapping me in a coat, getting me another key to the hotel room, and putting me back to bed.  Thanks also for bearing with me whilst I sorted myself out and the sleepwalking stopped.  This story has gone down in the annals of history, as it is, of course, hilarious.  I'd probably find it funnier if it hadn't happened to me, but someone else entirely!  For the longest time I couldn't stay in a hotel without barricading myself in, just in case it reared its head again.  It hasn't, for over ten years. Insh'allah, this shall remain the status quo.

Nightmares in the Air

If the plane crashes, please let Jack rescue me..

Those who know me well have grown used to a peculiarity about me: I have the most vivid and unusual dreams.  On any given day these can range from the bizarre (being a donkey midwife) to the terrifying (being chased by an axe murdered through a forest, covered in blood.) Analyze that! 

My latest extreme dream: I'm on a plane, and it's crashing.

By this I mean nose-diving, at speed.  I can literally feel the g-force pulling me downwards, and that weird 'roller-coaster' feeling in my tummy when you're dropping from a great height. To make matters worse, I'm sat right at the front of the plane, and the cockpit door is open.  So I can see the ground as we plummet towards it.  Now, horrific as this sounds, this isn't that unusual for me, being in a plane crash is a recurring nightmare of mine - aren't I lucky! (N.B The alleged meaning of this is here. I'm saying nothing!)

What made this dream much, much worse, was that when I woke up...I WAS ON A PLANE.  Yep, I had this beauty whilst on the flight to Nepal.  Thank you universe! I woke up in a cold sweat and blind panic, the situation made worse (if it possibly could get any worse!) by the fact that a) you're not allowed to drink alcohol on Air Arabia flights b) the duty free purchases were in the overhead locker so I couldn't sneak them open if I'd wanted to.

I did calm down after a few minutes of chat, and after ten minutes of reading Piers Morgan's latest celebrity book, I was almost back to normal.

But really, it's put me right off attempting to sleep on planes ever again....