Thursday, May 26, 2011

As Predictable As.......

Men: as predictable as Dubai sunshine?
Men.  However much they frustrate and confuse us, we love them.  Yet there is one truth that remains: they're predictable.  I hate to stereotype and generalise, but as the same thing has happened to me twice in the space of one week, that's the conclusion I'm being forced to draw.  Today, at least.

What am I talking about?  When ex-boyfriends contact you, out of the blue.  When they do this, after a long period of time, what does it mean?  They've been pining for you, you're the love of their life and they've only just realised?  Well, it's possible.  But what's equally possible, and in both these cases turned out to be true, is that their next relationship has failed, and for some reason (well reasons plural, which we'll come onto) they see fit to contact you.

Let me elaborate.  We met S on a particularly entertaining flight to Damascus.  He had the dubious pleasure of sitting right next to us on the plane, which led to chatting, an exchange of numbers, and one very entertaining weekend spent careering in and out of historical relics, and Damascus nightclubs.  They know how to party in Syria!  I digress.  On returning to Dubai there then ensued a month long fling, which came to a natural conclusion when it became apparent that S had a girlfriend.  Honestly boys, Dubai is way, way too small to play like that. You get found out, and quickly.

Fast forward a year, and I woke one morning to a text from an unknown number.  "Hi, how are you, been way too long, shall we go for a drink? S"  As I'd deleted S's number a long time ago I had no clue who the text was from, and it was only about ten minutes later that I remembered.  I chortled heartily, deleted the text and forgot all about it.  Afterwards I laughingly relayed the story to the girls and we  agreed that he'd obviously just become single.  He sent a few more texts, but after my complete ignorance, got the message and stopped.

I thought no more about it, until a work colleague came stampeding into my office one morning.  "You'll never BELIEVE who I keep bumping into," she exclaimed.  Yes, it was S.  "And every time I see him, he asks about you are, why you won't respond to him, how much he misses you." Now due to the fact that this work colleague has a functioning brain, it took her two minutes to deduce the obvious: he'd been dumped.  She asked him how life was as a single man and he couldn't understand how she knew. Ha!

Fast forward another week.  I wake up to an email from N.  "How are you!? How have you been!? What are you doing this weekend!?"  I'll forgive the over-liberal use of exclamation marks as he's European.  Such a random, out of the blue email, after literally 18 months, can only mean one thing....

To be fair to N, he differed wildly from S.  We actually had a relationship which lasted some time.  It was a lovely experience at a time when I was recuperating from a very nasty break-up.  He adored me, showered me with love and affection, treated me like a princess, and reminded me that there were good people (and men) in the world. When it became apparent that I wasn't harbouring such reciprocal showers of love and affection (more like a trickle) I called it off.  Over the years, I do hear from him from time to time.  It was obvious that he had a girlfriend - one night he was even texting me without knowing I was in the same bar as him...whilst he was sat with her.  Men.

I know I only have a research study of two, but quick chats to female friends reveal this behaviour to be very common.  One very recently heard from an ex who was last seen sobbing in her apartment (don't ask).  He sent her a super-cheery breezy text as if nothing had happened.  When she ignored it he barraged her with emails and calls demanding to know why she had deleted him on Facebook.  A quick sniff on the Dubai grapevine confirmed that he had just split with the younger girl he'd traded her in for (nice).  Really??!

So why are men oh-so-predictable when it comes to contacting exes?  Why presume that someone who you dated years and years ago, and have had limited (to say the least) contact with, will suddenly jump out of their seat with vigour, and rush into your arms at the drop of a hat?  Is it as simple as needing an ego boost? Or are they so deluded that they assume you've been sat waiting for their call? 

I realised many years ago that there is no way to fathom the depths of male mind.  Until anyone can shed some light on this particular dilemma, my finger remains firmly on the 'delete' button.

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